There are few things more disorienting than being hurt by people who claim to speak for God. It can leave you spiraling—not just emotionally, but spiritually. You may start out seeking clarity, asking honest questions, or pursuing peace, only to find yourself confused, second-guessing your motives, or wondering if you’re the problem. If you’ve ever felt that quiet unraveling—the one where reality seems to blur inside a church setting—it’s important to know what might be happening beneath the surface.
What Is Spiritual Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is the slow erosion of clarity. It doesn’t begin with a lie—it begins with a doubt.
In secular settings, gaslighting is when someone intentionally distorts facts to make another person question their own memory, perception, or sanity. In churches, the same tactic can happen through spiritual language: “You’re being divisive.” “You’re misinterpreting what happened.” “That’s not what we meant.” “You need to let it go.”
Over time, the person receiving these responses may start to wonder if they are the problem—not just socially, but spiritually. This is what makes spiritual gaslighting especially damaging. It doesn’t just cause confusion—it reshapes identity. It causes people to question whether they’re hearing from God—or simply rebelling against authority.
In one church, a member raised concerns about a fractured relationship with leadership after being unexpectedly distanced. She wasn’t met with conversation or clarity. She was told that if she had trusted God, she wouldn’t have needed an explanation.
Later, she was described as “unsafe” without any tangible evidence of wrongdoing. The church did not publicly discipline her. They simply removed her from the list, closed doors behind the scenes, and framed her concern as a spiritual threat.
This is how gaslighting operates in spiritual systems: by redefining legitimate concerns as disobedience and isolating the one who asks questions.
When Religious Leaders Reframe the Story (John 9)
In John 9, Jesus heals a man who was born blind. What should have been a moment of rejoicing became a moment of spiritual interrogation.
The Pharisees didn’t doubt that something happened—they just refused to accept the implications. If the healing was real, their authority was threatened. So they reframed the narrative. They questioned the man’s integrity. They called in his parents. They suggested that maybe he was never really blind at all.
When the man refused to bend under pressure, they turned to accusation:
“You were born entirely in sin, and are you teaching us?” And they put him out. — John 9:34
This is how spiritual gaslighting works. The issue is no longer what happened—it’s who has the right to say what happened.
Gaslighting removes clarity by reframing the past, questioning the motives of the person who speaks up, and twisting spiritual authority into a defense mechanism.
The healed man had lived the miracle—but the religious leaders tried to convince him it wasn’t real. That it wasn’t allowed. That his perception could not be trusted.
He didn’t lose his healing. But he did lose his place in their system.
Redemptive Clarity: When Jesus Restores What Was Twisted
Spiritual gaslighting is a direct assault on clarity—and clarity is where healing begins.
When trusted leaders minimize concerns, reverse blame, or spiritualize silence, it’s not just confusing—it’s disorienting to the soul. But here’s the truth: God is not the author of confusion.
What Jesus does in John 9 is exactly what He still does today—He meets those cast aside for telling the truth. He seeks them out, restores their dignity, and reminds them that they were never defined by the system that rejected them.
“Jesus heard that they had put him out, and finding him, He said, ‘Do you believe in the Son of Man?’” — John 9:35
Jesus never gaslights. He never minimizes pain. He never asks people to suppress what they know is true. He clarifies. He confirms. He redeems.
If you’ve ever been made to feel like your discernment was disobedience, or your questions were rebellion, take heart: clarity is not rebellion—it is light. And light always exposes what darkness tries to hide.
You don’t have to stay in confusion. You can ask the hard questions. You can hold onto what you know God showed you. And even if others don’t affirm your story—Jesus does.
Out of the Fog, Into the Light
When spiritual gaslighting occurs, it often leaves people wondering if they’re losing their faith. But more often, they’re just trying to hold onto the truth in a place that no longer values it.
If that’s you—if your questions have been turned against you, or your experiences dismissed—you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone.
Jesus never asks you to silence the truth to maintain an illusion of unity. He doesn’t gaslight. He brings things into the light—not to shame you, but to heal you.
Think it Through
- Have I ever been made to feel that asking questions meant I was disobedient or spiritually immature?
- Is there a time when I shared something honest and was made to question my own memory, motives, or faith?
- What spiritual language has been used to silence or redirect valid concerns I’ve had?
- Do I feel free in my current faith community to express discomfort or confusion without fear of being labeled?
- Where might Jesus be affirming what others have dismissed in me? What truth is He still inviting me to hold on to?
Collection
In the next article, we’ll look at how these patterns escalate—how silence, suspicion, and subtle control evolve into full-scale exclusion. Because the person who’s been gaslighted often becomes the person who’s quietly removed.
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